He’s a what?
Norwegian terrorist Anders Breivik remained unclaimed as of Tuesday, despite the best attempts of Jesus Christ to get someone else to take him.
“Well,” said Christ when reached for comment, “at first I thought I could get Odin to take him. After all, they used to belong to Odin, but Odin’s in retirement, and also, said that Breivik was a little piece of excrement that he didn’t want hanging around Valhalla whining. Valhalla was for winners, not losers who can’t handle seeing a felafel.”
“After that, I tried telling Krishna he was named Andu Breivik and was actually a Hindu, but that didn’t fly. Krishna’s not stupid.”
“Allah said people had already tried to give the jerk to him and he sure wasn’t going to take him now.”
“Zeus texted me back from his beach home. He wouldn’t even name a price.”
“Coyote said that he had enough targets for practice.”
“At least they answered. Ra wouldn’t pick up. He just texted that he’s having Osiris design the right spot for Mubarak and couldn’t be bothered right now.”
“The Flying Spaghetti monster said to create a Flying Lutefisk monster, but not even a zombie like that would want him.”
“I’m getting awfully tired of people claiming to belong to me and then doing exactly what I told them not to. Seriously, I provided a manual. What part of Thou Shalt Not Murder and Do Unto Others As You Would Have Done Unto You is hard to understand?”